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something happened at home made me so upset, i could barely talk about it at one time. 

after a few days of brewing, after a lot of nudges from the bf, i told him that i “made a mistake”. 

a mistake so small but made me rethink of a lot of things, made me cry cause i know this cannot be repaired. 

trust, once broken, will never get mended. 

the bf said “stop being upset about it. if you can’t turn back time to rectify what happened, forget about it. move on. ”

syukur for you. 

i moved on. although very slowly. i forgive you, adik. 


a few days back, while driving to work, the morning crew asked this question to listeners.

what is your biggest lie?

one guy called up and said “men don’t lie”.

i learnt from a friend a long time ago that this sentence is actually true.

men dont lie. they just dont tell you the whole truth.


girl: do you have another girlfriend?

man: i have a lot of “girlfriends”, but you are special.

not a lie, no? cause everyone is special in a different way.

another example.

girl: do you like me?

man: i do have feelings for you.

still not a lie. hate is also a feeling.

i tried to copy this in my everyday life. but not very successfully. so what is the next best thing? change the subject!


you: how are you today?

me: are you going to masjed soon?

you: i just came back from masjed. how are you today?

me: then, you will go get dinner?

you: later perhaps. you had your dinner yet?

me: how was the weather today?

lengthy … it is tiring being a girl who can’t lie and can’t hide some of the truth either.

have you ever been in a position where you are so not happy inside that everything else you tried or trying to do does not matter?

how do you keep smiling and engage in conversation with others when all you wanted to do is talk to one person that matter most?

its harder when other people think you are a strong person and hence the above will not happen to you.

my question is, how strong is strong? even Amy Fowler, the nerdy neurologist with strong believe in mind power became a needy person in the end.

sad but true.

Said all I want from you is to see you tomorrow, and every tomorrow, maybe you’ll let me borrow your heart.

And is it too much to ask for every Sunday, and while we’re at it, throw in every other day to start.

I know people make promises all the time.

Then they turn right around and break them.

When someone cuts your heart open with a knife, now you’re bleeding.

But I could be that one to heal it over time and I won’t stop until you believe it.

‘Cause baby you’re worth it

No I won’t fill your mind with broken promises and wasted time. And if you fall, you’ll always land right in these arms, these arms of mine.

Don’t act like it’s a bad thing to fall in love with me. ‘Cause you might look around and find your dreams come true, with me. Spent all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free.

So don’t act like it’s a bad thing to fall in love with me.

*well said, JT 😍

“Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much i love you?”

“I know how much i love you,” I answered.

“You compare one small tree to the entire forest”.

I rolled my eyes. “Impossible.”


Marley always said it the way women wanna hear.

When i ask, what do i do if i miss you so badly?

He replied. Go wudhu and pray.


**come home soon please!!!

Saw this today, read it and felt the loneliness.


I miss sitting under the trees, at benches at the water front, high up the mountain top, or simply at a burger joint.

Talking seriously about rubbish topics or just reading the same stupid book.

Where has all the nerdy fun gone?

The angry boy, a bit too insane, icing over a secret pain, you know you don’t belong. You’re the first to fight, you’re way too loud, you’re the flash of light, on a burial shroud, i know something’s wrong.

Well everyone I know has got a reason, to say, put the past away.

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend, you could cut ties with all the lies,
that you’ve been living in.

And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.

well he’s on the table, he’s gone to code, I do not think anyone knows, what they are doing here. I never thought it would come to this, and I, I want you to know.

Everyone’s got to face down the demons. Maybe today, we can put the past away.

**was down the memory lane while driving back from sending mom today**

I made someone cry today, out of her anger.

I admit i was emotional too. And frankly i am still sulking, my eyes hurting me.

I saw what an empty promise can do to a person. I think i know what i am going to do next.

Sigh. I wish i am a better counsellor.

i am on second day of my three day course on 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

met my dear old friends today as all four of us are at Ritz Carlton! yes it is amazing how the universe play it’s magic.

there are a lot of things spoken and observed as i met my friends today. from a few minutes chat during my session’s break out time, to a coffee session in the evening. silently i assess everyone around me, my friends, the people sitting at the next tables and myself included.

the topic of our conversations today goes in circles of the very question that kept on popping in my mind.

are we really happy?

i learnt that we are the product of our own choices, not our circumstances.

but i wonder if i am seeing everyone around me trying hard to be happy. Or i assumed too much? are we happy with our choices so far or are we just playing along as we have invested so much energy and emotion?

how much is too much then?

how much should you sacrifice or invest in order to be happy?

are we too desperate to be happy that we are willing to sacrifice things so we can make others happy?

i wish i can go back to days when we can talk silly.

all my friends grown up already.

the journey


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